Phoenix Rising Insights

Humans react to loss and death in many ways. When we think of something we want to tell someone and in the next moment remember they are not there… when we wake up and wonder what we are going to wear to work today… only that job is gone… hearing the phantom scratch, meow, or whine at the door…

That visceral reaction conveys the sudden pang of longing, the sick feeling in the stomach, and the sharp reminder of the loss. We form an automatic unconscious loop when we form a bond, and that unconscious response can happen even before conscious awareness catches up.

Our bodies scream inside too — a crucial yet often underexplored aspect of grief.

We look to our loved ones to soothe us, motivate us, or validate us. Our jobs give us purpose, our pets provide companionship and unconditional love. Our family and friends are constants in our lives; that lifelong friend who irritates us by gossiping, the sibling or spouse who keeps leaving the dishes in the sink, the bestie who’s always been there through thick and thin… or the loss of health. The absence leaves a hole.

What happens when that absence hits the unconscious and the body at the same time? The impact?

Physical manifestations can sometimes be overlooked or misattributed. We feel grief in the chest, the stomach, the gut, the limbs, and in the mind itself. The body may feel tired, heavy, wired, foggy, achy, or strangely disconnected. The mind may struggle to adapt because something it relied on is no longer there.

We can literally die of a broken heart.

That may sound like a figure of speech, yet grief has long been recognised as a powerful physiological stressor. Research has shown that bereavement can affect sleep, immunity, stress hormones, inflammation, and cardiovascular health.

Just recently, a friend of a friend died six weeks after her spouse. A non-drinker, she drank herself to death. Her heart broke at the unexpected loss of her husband, leaving behind not just grieving family, but traumatised friends and family as well.

These powerful examples illustrate the profound connection between our emotional and physical well-being in grief. What are the underlying mechanisms that cause our bodies to react so strongly?

The role of stress hormones and the nervous system in grief can be monumental. It is not just our heart that can suffer; our immune system, hormones, nervous system, inflammation, and brain all respond as the body tries to cope with the loss. Common physical symptoms of grief can include fatigue, appetite changes, sleep disturbances, aches and pains, digestive issues, and a lower resistance to illness.

Grief And Adaptation

Grief also asks the mind to adapt.

For most people, grief gradually softens as the body and mind learn how to live with the loss. For others, grief remains intense and disruptive, with persistent yearning, preoccupation with the loss, emotional numbness, guilt, difficulty engaging with daily life, or a feeling that part of the self has been lost. This is sometimes referred to as prolonged grief disorder or complicated grief, and it is a real condition that deserves compassionate attention.

Non-complicated grief is different. It is the grief of bereaved people who are resilient in integrating the experience. It does not mean the love was smaller. It means the system is adapting.

It is possible to lead a meaningful life after a terrible loss, even when life has gone off track. Grieving can become an opportunity for healing. A holistic approach, including hypnosis, mindfulness, and self-care, can support both the emotional and physical aspects of grief.

My own learning through grief life experiences has taught me to listen to the messages our body is telling us and to become aware of the internal stresses and emotions.

What message is your body trying to tell you?