Phoenix Rising Insights

The absence of someone or something causes us to react physiologically as well as emotionally. Our bodies react to the loss of it, or the thing:

  When we think of something we want to tell someone and in the next moment remember they are not there… 

  In that moment when we wake up and wonder what we are going to wear to work today… only that job is not there anymore…

  Hearing the phantom scratch at the door… 

It’s not just our brain that is responding, it is our bodies as well. That visceral emotional reaction conveys the sudden pang of longing and the sharp reminder of the loss. We form an automatic unconscious loop when we form a bond, and our unconscious response happens without our conscious awareness.

Our bodies scream inside too - crucial yet often underexplored aspect of grief:

We look to our loved ones to sooth us, motivate or validate us. Our jobs give us purpose, our pets provide companionship and unconditional love. Our family and friends are constants in our lives; That life long friend who irritates us by gossiping, the sibling or spouse who keeps leaving the dishes in the sink, the bestie who’s always been there through thick and thin… or the loss of health.

The absence leaves a hole.

What happens when the unconscious physiological responses impact us? 

These physical manifestations can sometimes be overlooked or misattributed.

Did you know we can die of a broken heart? 

First published in 1969, Colin Murray Parkes in the British Medical Journal, one of the first psychiatrists to specialise in grief; 1986 – 1981 Large Finnish 1.5 million spouses from 35 to 84yrs; The physical response of the widowhood effect for men is almost twice the risk and for women, 1 ½ times. (A 2013 Epidemiological study in the U.S of 12,316 people) Actuarial Tables from life insurance companies. Just some of the studies done.

Just recently a friend of a friend died 6 weeks after her spouse. A non drinker, she actually drank herself to death. Her heart broke at the unexpected loss of her husband. Leaving behind not just grieving family, also traumatised friends and family as well.

These powerful examples illustrate the profound connection between our emotional and physical well-being in grief. What are the underlying mechanisms that cause our bodies to react so strongly?

The role of stress hormones and the nervous system in the physical experience of grief can be a monumental stress event. It is not just our heart that can suffer, our immune system, hormones, nervous system, and inflammation; our brain suffers physically as it tries to cope with all of this. Common physical symptoms of grief could be fatigue, changes in appetite, sleep disturbances, aches and pains, digestive issues, and colds and flus from a weakened immune system.

It is possible to lead a meaningful life after a terrible loss, before your life went off track. Consider grieving as an opportunity for healing. The importance of self-care and a holistic approach like hypnosis and mindfulness in addressing both the emotional and physical aspects of grief.

My own learning through grief life experiences, has taught me to listen to the messages our body it telling us, awareness of the internal stresses and emotions.

What message is your body trying to tell you?